God’s gift

 

   

   

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Christmas scenes

Our Lady of Guadalupe Church – Brownsville, TX

          

Basilica of Our Lady of San Juan del Valle – San Juan, TX

St. Paul the Apostle Church – (Flour Bluff) Corpus Christi, TX

      

Immaculate Conception Cathedral – Brownsville, TX

Sacred Heart Church – Brownsville, TX

          

Holy Cross Church – Corpus Christi, TX

Prayer

Loving and giving God, help us this day to praise you in whatever form you guide us toward.  Help us to receive the Christ in this current moment.  Show us how to give ourselves to dance and cymbal and shout and strings this Christmas season.  Guide our feet in the way of peace and justice and praise (Rev. Scott Lawrence).

Links of interest…  Christmas: all about / celebrating / eve & day / holy family – nativity / meaning of wishmas / music: seven originals / novena (Nov 30-Dec 24) / origami (book – calendar boxes [more]) / easy-to-make ornaments (more) / prayers / printables & more / seasonal customs / Story Nory (visit)…  Five ways to put all those Christmas cards to good use…  How to keep your Christmas tree looking beautiful…  Icon of Christian hope: St. Felix of Nola…  Real, live Christmas tunes: classics, country, Dial-a-Carol, iheartchristmas, & North Pole Radio…  Three temptations of Christmas…

WP posts…  Capuchin Christmas…  Christmas blessings…  Merry Christmas…  Oh, happy day

Beautiful sacred space

Steven and I spent Memorial Day weekend in Brownsville, so we looked forward to Mass.  But where to go?  We couldn’t decide between Immaculate Conception Cathedral and one of its two missions several blocks away on East Elizabeth Street.

Timely decisions

I introduced Steven to Sacred Heart Church, July 24, 2011, but didn’t revisit.  Steven prefers early morning Mass— Saturday evening only if we can’t attend Sunday at nine— so eleven-thirty was too late for him.

When home in Brownsville, Steven and I had attended Saturday evening Mass at Our Lady of Guadalupe exclusively.  But how could we decide on a church home if we didn’t give other sacred spaces a chance? 

We tried St. Mary’s, but it wasn’t right for us.  Back to Guadalupe we went.  Still, something was missing.

“How about the cathedral downtown?  Ten-thirty Mass is in English.”

Sunday morning Mass

Steven experienced Immaculate Conception, my heart of hearts, for the first time this year.  And he loved it!  Yet Sacred Heart, my wind song, has tugged at me in ways that I can’t even begin to express.  How could we not give it a second chance?

Then this past weekend Steven asked, “Where do you want to go for Mass?”

We were down to the only two choices: Immaculate at ten-thirty or Sacred Heart at eleven-thirty.  Fr. Joe and Fr. Amesse from the cathedral also celebrate Mass at Sacred Heart, so either church would be just as sweet.  Still, I refrained from answering so Steven kept repeating himself.

But did either of us even know the answer?

Sunday we got up at the usual time— certainly early enough for ten-thirty Mass at the cathedral— but Steven wasn’t in any rush to get ready.  Had he finally accepted that my heart was truly set on Sacred Heart that morning? I wondered.  I could hardly wait to get there, but we didn’t talk about it.  We dressed for church and drove into town for eleven-thirty Mass.

The right place

Wonder of wonders, Steven really enjoyed Sacred Heart and shared his thoughts.

I have a preference for early Mass, but that’s how I was reared.  The rest of the day was then uninterrupted if I wanted to work (or play).  The late Masses were always for lazy folks who slept in on Sunday, so that was something of a social stigma when I was growing up.

I think the people at Sacred Heart are very nice.  There’s less haste after Mass since there’s no service afterwards.  So, yes.  I’m with you on SHC being our likely church home in Brownsville.   Although the schedule isn’t one that I prefer, I can see how the change will be good.  It has the ability to force a day of rest; and, being that there’s no rush before or after, it’s very mellow.  If I have stuff to get done, I’ll get up early and do it while the day’s cool or wait until Monday.

That said, 11:30 A.M. Mass was great, very relaxed and leisurely.  I think I adapted immediately to it, not to mention that it is the only one, so there are no options.  It’s the right place, so Mass time has to be the right time.

Beautiful sacred space

To me Sacred Heart feels richly familiar.  Mass with Aunt Rachel, then Segy and Acacia, and now Steven.  Fathers Moran, Sheehan, and Lanese.  An inclusive church community.  Discovering the Holy Infant, traveling to Prague to learn more about him, growing my devotion, and seeking him out in the churches that I visit.  In this beautiful sacred space my mind, heart, and soul resonate with love, joy, and peace.  I’m home at last, so it’s only natural that I should want Steven to experience the same.

   

       

       

       

       

   

   

       

Consecration to the Sacred Heart of Jesus

Most sweet Jesus, redeemer of the human race, look down upon us humbly kneeling before your altar.  We are yours and yours we wish to be; but, to be more surely united with you, each one of us freely consecrates himself today to your most sacred heart.

Many have never know you.  Many, too, have rejected you.  Have mercy on them all, most merciful Jesus, and draw them to your sacred heart.  May you be recognized as Savior by all those who are still in the darkness of disbelief.  Draw them into the light and kingdom of God.

Grant, O Lord, to your Church freedom and immunity from harm.  Give peace and order to all nations, and make the earth resound from pole to pole with one cry: Praise to the divine heart that wrought our salvation.  To it be glory and honor forever.

More prayers

One…  Jesus, reveal your sacred heart to me and show me its attractions.  Unite me to it forever.  Grant that all my desires and every beat of my heart, which does not cease even while I sleep, may be a witness to you of my love for you and tell you, “Yes, Lord, I am yours!”  The pledge of my loyalty to you rests ever in my heart and shall never cease to be there.  Accept the little good that I do and be pleased to make up for all my wrong-doing so that I may be able to praise you in time and in eternity (Our Catholic Prayers).

Two…  Lord Jesus, I come before you just as I am.  I am sorry for my sins.  I repent of my sins.  Please forgive me.  In your name, I forgive all others for what they have done against me.  I renounce Satan, the evil spirits, and all their works.  I give you my entire self, Lord Jesus, now and forever.  I invite you into my life, Jesus.  I accept you as my Lord, God, and Savior.  Heal me.  Change me.  Strengthen me in body, soul, and spirit.

Come, Lord Jesus.  Cover me with your precious blood and fill me with your Holy Spirit.  I love you, Lord Jesus.  I praise you, Jesus.  I thank you, Jesus.  I shall follow you every day of my life.  Amen.

Mary, my mother, queen of peace; St. Peregrine, the cancer saint; all the angels and saints, please help me (Christian Miracles).

Say this simple prayer— just one sentence— faithfully no matter how you feel (1993, Rookey & Servite Fathers, OSM).  When you come to the point where you sincerely mean each word with all your heart, Jesus will change your whole life in a very special way.  You will see.

Three…  Heart of Jesus, truly human, have mercy on us.  Heart of Jesus, truly divine.  Heart of Jesus, still praying for us to the Father.  Heart of Jesus, in all things like us except sin.  Heart of Jesus, loving your friends to the end.  Heart of Jesus, whose love for men is scorned by many.  Heart of Jesus, my hope in sadness.  Heart of Jesus, my strength in temptation.  Heart of Jesus, my protection in danger.  Heart of Jesus, loving me now despite everything.

Almighty and everlasting God, look upon the heart of your beloved Son and upon the praise and satisfaction he offered you on behalf of sinners.  Forgive those who now seek your mercy in the name of the same Jesus Christ, your son who lives and reigns with you forever and ever (Liturgical Prayer Book, 1991, p. 37).

Four…  Thanks be to you, my lord, Jesus Christ, for all the benefits which you have given me, for all the pains and insults which you have borne for me.  O most merciful redeemer, friend and brother, may I know you more dearly and follow you more nearly.

June 8, 2013

Mary, your immaculate heart is open to all who ask for your help and intercession.  Teach me how to draw nearer to your son, Jesus.  Show me how to stay close to him at all times (the Word among us, June 2013, p. 28).

June 10, 2013

Looking through my treasure boxes of prayer books, cards, and more I came across some gold nuggets from my great-aunt.  Among them was Tía Queta’s Liturgical Prayer Book, which includes “Jesus prays to his father,” (Ps. 139; Bulleen, 1970, pp. 32-33).

Lord, you examine me and know me.  You know if I am standing or sitting.  You read my thoughts from far away.  Whether I walk or lie down, you are watching.  You know every detail of my conduct.

The word is not even on my tongue, Lord, before you know all about it.  Close behind and close in front you hold me, shielding me with your hand.

Such insight is too wonderful to grasp, a height to which my mind cannot aspire.

Where could I go to escape your spirit?  Where could I flee from your presence?  If I probe the outer space, you are there.  If I lie down in the grave, you are there, too.

Were I to fly to the point of sunrise or westward across the sea, your hand would still be guiding me, your right hand holding on to me.  If I chose to live in perpetual night in a darkness excluding all light, that darkness would not be dark to you.  For you, that night would be as light as day.

Since you, yourself, have created my very being and put me together in my mother’s womb, in wonder I thank you for making me.  How mysterious, like everything you make!

You know me through and through, from having watched my bones take shape when I was being assembled in secret, stitched together in the darkness of the womb.

God, examine my heart to see what I love.  Analyze my mind to see what I think.  Make sure I am not likely to offend you, and guide me on the path that is eternal.

Links of interest…  Catholic diocese of Brownsville TX…  How do you consecrate yourself to the Sacred Heart…  Miracle prayer (Fr. Peter Mary Rookey; YT)…  Sacred Heart: devotion (book) / what to know / feast / first Friday / history / meaning / novena (YT) / prayers / promises / twelve promises…  Sacred Heart Church: about (marker) / centennial / nine photos (LOC) / video…  St. Margaret Mary Alcoque…  Wind Song: 1973 / 1996 (Matchabelli fragrance, 1953)…

WP posts…  Angels keeping watch…  Heart of hearts…  Home again…  Marian devotions…  A real church…  Seven dwelling places…  Soulful

Father now retired

Christmas decorations, nativity scenes, and trees delicately lit adorned every bit of the Oblate Madonna Residence on December 23, 2011, our first visit there.  I was so glad to finally visit that I hadn’t thought to call ahead to make sure Fr. Sheehan would want (or have time) to share space with us that day.  After all, we hadn’t seen each other in almost seven-and-a-half years, not since I’d driven from Brownsville to Roma to meet Father at Our Lady of Refuge before going to dinner at Dairy Queen.

God’s master plan

Even though Fr. Sheehan had been one of three priests assigned to Immaculate Conception Cathedral and its missions— Sacred Heart and St. Thomas— for a number of years, I hadn’t interacted with Father other than as a parishioner attending the Masses he’d celebrated.

Then, after work on September 12, 2002, I called the cathedral and asked if either Fr. Moran or Fr. Lanese were at the office so I could go by to talk.

“They’re both unavailable,” the secretary told me, “but Fr. Sheehan is here.  I’m sure he wouldn’t mind you dropping by to see him.  Would you like for me to let him know you’re on the way?”

I didn’t respond right away.  I was comfortable with Fr. Moran, since he was our priest at Sacred Heart, and I’d gone to confession with Fr. Lanese; but I’d never dealt with Fr. Sheehan before.  Still, I was desperate to sit and talk about a personal crisis from the day before.

“Yes, please,” I finally said.  “I should be there in about fifteen minutes.”

Driving to the cathedral, I didn’t know which would be worse, sharing my dilemma with Fr. Sheehan or— dread of all dreads— being chastised when I really needed patience and understanding.  All the way there, I thought back to the two times (in 1970 and in 1990) when I’d sought assistance from a priest.  Neither had gone well, so my mind teetered between feeling apprehensive and needing peace of mind.  Having matured since then, however, I knew better than to back away.  Besides, I’d already committed to showing up.

Overcoming adversity

I parked adjacent to my old school across the street from the office.  No turning back now, I thought.  I’d been to the office a few times, namely to register and to turn in raffle ticket money; but, so unlike the cathedral itself, the place seemed unfamiliar and lacked personality.  Nevertheless, the secretary was gracious and kind.

“You’re here to see Fr. Sheehan?” she asked smilingly.

“Yes,” I said politely.

“Follow me, please.”

Fr. Sheehan’s office was across from the reception area.  The top half of its door was glass; everything else around it, shades of yellow.  I didn’t have much time to think because the door opened right away.

Friend in need

Much taller up close than from the fifth pew in church, Father greeted me with a warm, boyish smile.  He was so down to earth that I felt I’d known him all my life.  Father’s office had three or four chairs around a small table with magazines, so we sat to converse not as priest and stranger seated with a desk-barrier between us, but as friends within that circle of comfort.  Of course, I didn’t know how or where to start.  So Father said,

By the time people come into my office, they’ve already gone through a lot.  A lot of grief.  A lot of worry.  A lot of penance.  They’ve been harder on themselves than either I or God would ever be.  My job isn’t to scold or to punish.  My role as a priest is to listen, accept, and understand.  We all make mistakes, and we suffer dearly for them.  By the time people come in, they’re at the end of their rope; so I’m not going to make things worse.  Just tell me what’s on your mind, and we’ll take it from there.

Forever friends

For almost two months I visited daily.  Sometimes we talked about books we’d read; other times, about work.  We’d both suffered recent losses: Father, his mother and his sister; me, someone I’d thought was a lifelong friend.  “We’ll commiserate,” he’d tease.  Certainly, we did our share of laughing and crying to the point that Fr. Lanese would pass by, look in on us through the door’s window, and shake his head.

We learned about each other’s family, too, which Father really enjoyed.  He told the best stories.

We became forever friends in a short span of time so that, even when Father was transferred to Roma, which might as well have been the other side of the world, we began our correspondence.  And I drove there a couple of times with Acacia-Darling, my one and only grandchild then, to visit a few hours and enjoy a meal at Dairy Queen since both of them thoroughly enjoyed chicken fingers with mashed potatoes, gravy, and Texas toast.

       

       

Of course, my life got busier and busier.  I taught school, did paperwork and more at home, and continued with graduate studies.  Then, as time passed, I didn’t have time for visits anymore and corresponded less and less.  Not Father, though.  He sent cards regularly even though I was on another planet altogether.  Still, if we could’ve communicated telepathically, he would’ve known that I always vividly recalled our talks, the stories, the laughter, and the tears.

Beloved priest

Over the years I’ve treasured Father not only for his greeting cards, but especially for his being my forever friend— caring, loving, supportive— no matter how infrequently I’ve corresponded.  To this day, too, Fr.  Sheehan is synonymous with Immaculate Conception Cathedral, my heart of hearts since age five when I attended first grade in the building across the street.  So how could I ever possibly forget when the memories have been so entwined?

For this reason, I’d always wanted to visit Fr. Sheehan again.  So, when we finally had the chance, December 23, 2011, I wasn’t going to give up just because Father didn’t remember me.

As I later wrote in a letter to Fr. Bob, whom Steven and I met as we were leaving the Oblate Madonna Residence much later that afternoon, our visit with Fr. Sheehan was truly memorable.

I only wish we lived closer, so we could surprise Father more often.  But, having had such a great time, we’ll simply have to drive to San Antonio more than once every four or five years if we want to enjoy his sense of humor and, perhaps, your smiling face should you happen to be in at the time.

To me, there’s no one as kind, as attentive, or as real as Father.  When I was most in need of someone, he welcomed me into his office and made me feel that everything was going to be just fine.  And it was.

I’m so blessed to know him!

        

       

       

    

   

January 13, 2013

Steven and I had a fantabulous time as usual visiting Fr. Sheehan again.

       

Pdf files: Letters to Fr. Bob & Fr. Sheehan…

Links of interest…  Prayers for priests…  Ten short meditations for making a good confession…

WP posts…  Angels keeping watch…  Beautiful sacred space…  Call of service…  Father’s guided tour…  Heart of hearts…  Home again…  Marian devotions…  Memory lane…  Promise of hope…  A real church…  Soulful…  Two angels

Heart of hearts

Two weekends ago Steven and I headed down to Brownsville after Sunday Mass and, as agreed, drove straight to Immaculate Conception Cathedral to take photos of my most favorite sacred space since starting first grade at age five across the street.

Recently captured

“It’s funny,” I told Steven as I categorized the photos on the computer desktop last night.  “I thought I’d seen everything in the cathedral but, here, my third eye’s captured bits and pieces that I’d missed over time.  I guess I’ve always been so taken with the Madonna and her Child in the left alcove that I failed to notice St. Francis and St. Thérèse of Lisieux in the right alcove.  And did you see the windows high up in the alcoves?  They’re beautiful!  I’d never even noticed the lower windows either, and they’re at eye level with the pews.”

        

Looking and seeing

Over the years the cathedral’s warm embrace has drawn me into its heart of hearts, heightening my awareness and my emotions beyond the senses.  Whether attending Mass or just dropping by for an afternoon visit, I’ve been so totally captivated by the scent of times long past that I can’t begin to understand, much less explain, this powerful connection.

In this sacred space I’ve occupied three different pews— on the right, in the center, on the left— and have been privileged to see everything for a lifetime, yet I’ve overlooked the obvious.  It’s like intuiting the system and being so wholly engrossed and immersed that maybe I’m there more to feel than to see?  So, how can I possibly describe my thoughts and feelings— soulful expressions that have tugged at my heartstrings— when these abstractions are uniquely mine based on knowledge, experience, and perspective?  And can my photographs even remotely convey sentiments captured by my third eye?

Heart of hearts

Still, thanks to my Coolpix I now have a fresh, concrete perspective of the cathedral on a grander scale.  My scope is no longer limited to just my recollections and the left alcove.  Because I’m able to pour over photos on the computer monitor for hours on end, my senses revel in all that has been in plain view had I known to look instead of just getting swept up in the moment.

I also discovered that I’m missing a photo I can’t live without.  Revisiting the cathedral with depth and complexity through the two hundred photos I pre-selected for this post, I remembered a chance meeting from almost ten years ago.  As I looked for Fr. Sheehan after Mass, I happened on the unexpected— the small statue of the Holy Infant of Prague in the sacristy.

So, now, here I am with an overwhelming desire to see the Infant again.  I’m counting the days until our next visit to see the beloved Infant, my true heart of hearts.

   

        

   

       

       

   

   

       

       

       

       

          

       

               

       

       

           

       

       

       

         

               

Prayers

Mary, Queen of All Hearts…  Father, you have given us the mother of your son to be our queen and mother.  With the support of her prayers may we come to share the glory of your children in the kingdom of heaven.  We ask this through our Lord Jesus Christ, your son who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God forever and ever.

Mary, mother of mankind…  Mother, I commend and entrust to you all that goes to make up earthly progress, asking that it should not be one-sided but that it should create conditions for the full spiritual advancement of individuals, families, communities and nations.  I commend to you the poor, the suffering, the sick and the handicapped, the aging and the dying.  I ask you to reconcile those in sin, to heal those in pain, and to uplift those who have lost their hope and joy.  Show to those who struggle in doubt the light of Christ, your son.

Mother of God…  As you are above all creatures in heaven and on earth, more glorious than the Cherubim, more noble than any here below, Christ has given you to his people, firm bulwark and protectress, to shield and save sinners who fly to you.  Therefore, O Lady, all-embracing refuge, we solemnly recall your sweet protection and beg the Christ forever for his mercy.

Our Lady of Bistrica…  Immaculate mother of Jesus, we honor you as God’s chosen one, beautiful, beloved, and free from all sin.  Keep watch over us.  Pray that we rise above our sins and failings and come to share the fullness of grace.  Be a mother to us in the order of grace by assisting us to live your obedience, your faith, your hope, and your love.

Our Lady of Siluva…  Most holy virgin, Mary, you appeared to the shepherds in the fields at Siluva.  Your tears bathed the rock where once an altar stood.  You, with plaintive voice, said, “You plow and seed here where formerly my son was honored.”  Grant that we, moved by your tears, may once, as our forefathers did, revive the spirit of adoration of your son in our fallow hearts; strengthen the tottering structure of the shrine that is the family; and seek forgiveness for the negligences and sins of our nation.

Mother of God, we desire to raise up the glory of your revelation from forgotten ruins so that we may honor you even more, patroness of our country.  With your help, obtain for our nation the spirit of a living faith through Christ, our Lord.

July 28, 2013

Finally, the Holy Infant in three photo ops: July, February, and March, respectively.

       

August 22, 2014

Jesus is king throughout all eternity by nature and by right of conquest.  Through him, with him, and subordinate to him, Mary is queen by grace, by divine relationship, by right of conquest, and by singular election.  And her kingdom is as vast as that of her Son and God, since nothing is excluded from her dominion (Pope Pius XII).

August 23, 2014

Mary, give me your heart so beautiful, so pure, so immaculate; your heart so full of love and humility, that I may be able to receive Jesus in the Bread of Life and love him as you love him and serve him in the distressing guise of the poor (St. Teresa of Calcutta).

Pdf file: Immaculate Conception Cathedral (guide, six pages)

Links of interest…  Border time…  Catholic diocese of Brownsville, TX…  Enchanted faith…  Immaculate Conception Cathedral (ICC): about / history / landmark / images / national registry / Texas Tropical Trail / website…  Our Lady of Siluva (about – facts – history – origin & prayer – virtual tour)…  Promise of the Immaculate Conception…  Sacred Heart Church (ICC mission – video)…  Sacristy…

WP posts…  Angels keeping watch…  Beautiful sacred space…  Father now retired…  Father’s guided tour…  Home again…  Marian devotions…  Memory lane…  Promise of hope…  A real church…  Soulful…  Two angels

A real church

I still vividly recall my first visit to Sacred Heart with Aunt Rachel, mom’s youngest sister.  I was about four or five and so totally awed by the grandness of the church— wood floors, very high ceilings, enormous stained-glass windows— that I was too captivated to make a peep.  Sacred Heart Church was the most beautiful place I’d ever seen!

Segy’s tuba

Decades later, when Segy and I were parishioners, we met some of the nicest folks at Sacred Heart.

Segy was in the high school band program then so, all on his own, he decided to bring his tuba along to accompany the organist, who looked more than surprised— most likely tiffed— that he’d dared to do the unthinkable.  I mean, c’mon.  A tuba?!! she must’ve thought.  But Segy was not to be dissuaded.

Sometimes Mrs. Merta, a teacher friend we’d met at the elementary school where I’d taught and Segy had attended, would substitute.  Her husband was a well-known band director who loved the tuba, so Mrs. Merta was always complimentary of Segy and even rewarded him with a well deserved token of her esteem.  “Let him keep it.  He earned it,” she’d insist with a smile.

It was a very special time for me, too.  I was part of the choir even though I’d never thought I had a good singing voice.  And everyone in the group was so very, very nice.  A wonderful experience all the way around!

Lots of memories

As Steven opened the door for me to enter Sacred Heart a couple of weekends ago, the greeter wasn’t the Irish gentleman who’d always twinkled at Segy and me when we arrived for eleven-thirty Mass Sunday morning.

John O’Leary was always glad to see us. He’d get really close as he handed me the church bulletin and tell me a quick story or two about his beloved Chicago.  His take on the great fire of 1871 was a hoot.  Then again he always got a charge out of making me laugh; and he was a spiffy dresser, too.  John was the leprechaun’s pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, a real gentleman.

Although I didn’t recognize the greeter this time, the first person I noticed talking to someone in the very last pew was the organist whom I’d always thought was a nun.  She wouldn’t have remembered me, so I kept walking to the seventh center pew, outside right— the one that Segy and I had occupied until we joined the choir.

Sitting there, I recognized two others.  A white-haired woman with a sweet smile sitting in her usual spot— left center aisle seat, third pew— whose sister mom had known through the altar society at Christ the King.  And a tall man— the lector with the same robust voice as before— who sat on the extreme left near the aisle seat, first pew, in front of the pulpit.

None of the other regulars were there but, looking around, I readily envisioned them in their respective places.  I hadn’t known them all by name, yet I easily remembered their heartfelt smiles and their lighthearted conversations.  No matter that most of them had been much older than the rest of us, they welcomed all who celebrated Mass in their beloved Sacred Heart.

Lots of delectable recollections gushed forth as I savored my time in church.  Lingering about after Mass.  Talking with various folks.  Charles and his sister, whose parents always helped with counting money and other responsibilities.  Vicki and Tom, newlyweds in their much later years.  Evening choir rehearsals for Christmas and Easter Masses.  Frs. Moran, Sheehan, and Lanese.  Judge Garza, whom President Kennedy had appointed to the U.S. district court, and his family who shared space with the rest of us off and on during the year.  The visiting priest from Port Isabel who, in his infinite wisdom, compared the soul to a multifaceted crystal vase in his unforgettable homily.  So many excellent memories!

Same as always

I was beyond glad to be back at Sacred Heart after so many years— too many, really— that I wondered what’d kept me away after Segy left for Wabash.  Tears filled my eyes.  Don’t do it.  Don’t cry.  You won’t be able to stop, I told myself.  I felt Segy so strongly that persistent tears streamed down my face even after wiping at them again and again.  I’d been gone more than twelve years, and yet I’d never left.  Funny, too, how Steven had taken Segy’s (Steven’s) place beside me at the very same pew we’d occupied so many years before.

A real church

In the midst of all these memories and emotions I’d been listening to Fr. Joe’s homily.

“This is a real church,” Father said before repeating for emphasis.  “This— is a real church.”

Yes, I smiled to myself.  This is what I’ve been telling Steven all along.  Not all churches are real, but I know real.  So, maybe now having heard it from someone else who knows, he’ll believe me.

And whomever has said— me included— that one can’t ever go back isn’t altogether correct.  Sacred Heart is as it’s always been: beautiful, peaceful, embracing.  Real.

       

       

       

           

       

       

       

       

       

       

April 20, 2015

In a spirit of openheartedness, we need to listen to the unexpected and to embrace the new and different in the passage of scripture that we are pondering.

As I am reading the scriptures as if for the first time, help me, Spirit of God, to surrender to the unknown, letting your Word shape and form me into your likeness (Sr. Maria Tasto, OSB, 1938-2014).

June 15, 2015

There is a subtle difference between listening and reflecting.  So often we do not listen as deeply as we could.  We tend to rush right into reflective thoughts and miss the real point of the conversation.

Gently remind me, O God, to listen deeply to what you are communicating. Give me the patience to hang out with the reading, letting it take me to a deeper level within myself.  Help me to savor the word or phrase that catches my attention, hearing WHAT is being said (Sr. Maria Tasto).

Links of interest…  Catholic diocese of Brownsville TX…  Great Chicago fire…  Immaculate Conception Cathedral (ICC)…  Judge Reynaldo Garza: biography (YT)…  Sacred Heart Church (centennial – landmark)…

WP posts…  Angels keeping watch…  Backtracking…  Beautiful sacred space…  Heart of hearts…  Home again…  Right at home…  Seven dwelling places…  Soulful

Building community

When I joined Steven for UTMSI’s annual family Thanksgiving luncheon last fall, we sat with a delightful group of women.  I hadn’t met most of the ladies face to face, but I knew who they were from the glowing comments I’d received about them from both Pat, their supervisor, and Steven.

Among them was Mary, a sweetheart with joyful eyes who, through Pat, had sent me a Divine Mercy photograph that her husband had received at the installation of Bishop Mulvey at the Corpus Christi Cathedral, March 25, 2010.

“Mary, I’m so happy to meet you!  Thanks again so much for the photo.  It’s posted on our church blog as a widget, so it links to the Divine Mercy song on YouTube when you click on it.”

Shared thoughts

That opener led to more conversation on prayer related topics.  “Have you heard of My Father’s House?” Mary asked smilingly.

“No,” I said somewhat perplexed as my mind scrambled for ways to ask what she meant.  “Is that the church you attend?”

Mary told me about her visit to the place in Corpus Christi, but I could barely hear her since the lunchroom had filled and everyone was talking.  Still, I was intrigued.

“I want to give you a book on St. Anne that I received there,” Mary continued, knowing she had to finish eating so that she could get back to work.  “I’ll give Steve the book and a couple of papers from My Father’s House tomorrow.  This way you can look into it online and maybe visit one day soon.”

Sure enough, Steven brought me the literature the following day after work so I sent Mary a thank you.  Of course, working at the computer every day makes online searches most convenient and Mary’s place interested me, so I checked into it right away and found something that truly piqued my interest.

Charismatic Mass

Although my most favorite church is the Immaculate Conception Cathedral, I’ve had an extra special place in my heart for mom’s church, Christ the King, not because I belonged to the parish practically from birth, but because I discovered the joy of attending charismatic Mass there after teaching an eighth grade CCE class Tuesday evenings.

The best part was that my three catechist friends also attended, which was comforting ’cause I didn’t know anyone else there; and both the Mass and the long service afterwards were in Spanish.  What a heavenly delight to experience the fervor of faith with Lupita, Sally, Gracie, and all those believers!  I may not have been much into the singing or the body posturing— arms raised, eyes closed, clapping, swaying to the music— but I was certainly moved through association.

A couple of times I’d also tried the Wednesday evening service at St. Luke’s, but the community’s spirit had been so lacking that I only attended Christ the King’s after that.

Mind you, one doesn’t have to attend weekly or even regularly to become familiar with the power of united prayer at those gatherings, just as one doesn’t have to be absolutely sold on the idea of charismatic Mass.  One only needs to be predisposed to miracles.

Soulful experience

After the CCE school year ended, I attended charismatic services off and on.  Then, little by little, the girls and I got busy with our separate lives; and that was that.  Still, to have been part of the Tuesday night charismatic services was to have known not only the power of prayer, but also the gratitude expressed through the thanksgiving and praise that flowed freely among everyone present.  And I never forgot.

I mean, how can one not be touched by the suffering and pain that others feel?  How can one not be moved by others’ tears?  How can one not share in someone else’s joy?

The sights, the sounds, the faces, the stories, the community building, the rock solid faith of the folks at those charismatic services left no doubt that the spirit truly moves at Christ the King.

Personal anecdote

Then came November 1995.  I’d struggled with serious back problems for eight weeks and had been laid up for six of them.  I wanted to be up and about.  I wanted to be back at work.  And then, out of the blue, I remembered.

It was Tuesday!  Barely able to move out of bed, I told my parents, “Take me to charismatic Mass at Christ the King.”

They looked at each other in disbelief.  “But how?  You can’t even walk!”

“Just take me.  You don’t have to stay.  Just drop me off at the front door.  I’ll be all right.”

I struggled to get out of the vehicle alone, but I was determined to enter church on my own.  As I set foot on the entryway, I heard my voice deep within myself: I want to be able to run again!  But my head was more realistic: What?  Run?  Silly rabbit!  You can’t even walk!  Unfettered, I made my way to the fifth pew on the right where I’d sat with the girls so many times before.  I didn’t know anyone there, but I soon lost myself totally in the service.

After Mass as usual, individuals, sometimes accompanied by family members, got up to share their stories prior to the healing service.  If they can do it, so can I.  I know I’m not healed yet, but I want to give thanks and praise for being here.  I want to share my story so that God knows I believe.

Somehow, with those around me extending their hands and arms to keep me from falling, I made it to the front of the church.  In my funny Spanish, I expressed my gratitude to those present whose faith was so great and so inspirational that I’d had to be there that evening.  I don’t know how I did it ’cause I was fighting against the tearful emotions that wouldn’t be contained, but the faces looking back at me clearly understood.  And empathized.  They applauded as I made my way back to the pew.

Then, when the service was over, I held onto each pew I passed so as not to tumble down the middle aisle.  Reaching the door through which I’d initially entered, I could see the red lights on the back of my stepfather’s van.  He was stopped more than twenty yards in the distance.

Vehicles were backing out and exiting the parking lot and the rain was intensifying as big, cold drops landed everywhere with wild abandon.  My stepfather’s van wasn’t turning back to get me so I had to act quickly.  More concerned about getting drenched than about falling, I covered the top of my head with my left hand as my right arm instinctively swung back and forth.  And I ran for the van as if my life depended on it.  Without even thinking.  And, I still get emotional just remembering.

My Father’s House*

As I checked the website Mary had referred to during lunch, I determined that Tuesday evening’s Mass and healing prayer is a charismatic service, one I’d most definitely like to attend.

Maybe I can talk Junebug into joining me, so I can compare it to those at Christ the King.

Funny isn’t it, how God answers prayers in perfect time ’cause I’d been talking to the gang at St. Paul’s about charismatic Mass.

Sacred Heart

Finally, two weekends ago Steven and I headed down to Brownsville early enough for us to reach Sacred Heart in time for its only weekend Mass at eleven-thirty Sunday morning.  I wanted Steven to experience the church firsthand, the way Segy and I had.

I readily recognized three of the regulars from more than twelve years ago, but I wondered where the others were.  Many of them had been part of Sacred Heart for a very long time, and they’d had lots of interesting stories to share.  How I longed to visit with them again!

My mind wandered as I smilingly looked around.  I was enjoying every moment of my recollections when I suddenly came to.  I can take the photo of St. Anne that I’ve waited for all these months, the perfect complement to the book Mary gave me last fall.

          

St. Anne

Patroness of Christian mothers, the childless, widows, and laborers, St. Anne is also the comfortress of the sorrowing, mother of the poor, health of the sick, help of the pregnant, and model of married women and mothers.  Tuesday is St. Anne’s special day, since that’s when she died.  “It will give her great joy if we give alms in her honor on Tuesdays” (Benedictine Convent of Perpetual Adoration, 1958; TAN Books and Publishers, 1998, p. 41).

One may also pray the Hail Mary nine times in honor of the nine months during which she bore the Immaculate Virgin Mary in her womb.  Clients of St. Anne should devoutly celebrate her feast day, July 26, and prepare for it by a novena (a prayer said for nine days).  Lastly, we should try to spread devotion to good St. Anne, which can be done effectively by circulating [her prayers and devotions].

Prayers

Christ the King…  Christ Jesus, I acknowledge you king of the universe.  All that has been created has been made for you.  Make full use of your rights over me.

I renew the promises I made in Baptism when I renounced Satan and all his pomps and works.  I promise to live a good Christian life and to do all in my power to procure the triumph of the rights of God and your church.

Divine heart of Jesus, I offer you my efforts in order to obtain that all hearts may acknowledge your sacred royalty [so that] the kingdom of your peace may be established throughout the universe (The Leaflet Missal Company, A treasury of prayers, n. d., p. 9).

Memorare to St. Anne…  Remember, O holy mother St. Anne, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, and sought your intercession was left unaided.  You are a most merciful mother and aid all who are in distress.

Inspired with this confidence, I take refuge with you and implore you by your great advantage of being the mother of the Queen of Heaven and grandmother of the Savior of the world.

Come to my aid with your powerful intercession.  Obtain from your immaculate daughter this favor….

In honor of the nine months during which you bore the ever blessed virgin in your womb and brought her forth without stain of original sin, I now pray nine Hail Mary‘s, which I offer you through my guardian angel.

Novena to St. Anne…  O glorious St. Anne, you are compassionate toward those in need who invoke your heavenly intercession.  Burdened with life’s difficulties I place myself before you and ask that you assist me with the petitions and intentions I now recommend to your special protection.  Please place my concerns before Jesus and the blessed Virgin Mary.  Above all, obtain for me the grace of one day seeing God face to face with you, Mary, and all the saints honoring and praising God through all eternity.

Pray for us, good St. Anne, that we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

Gracious God who chose St. Anne to bring into the world the mother of your only Son, mercifully grant to us, who devoutly honor her memory, the grace of happiness in this life and the joy of life with you for all eternity.

    

     

Contact information

St. Anne prayer leaflets are from Franciscan Mission Associates, P. O. Box 598, Mt. Vernon, NY 10551-0598 and from the Dominican Shrine of the Infant of Prague, 5 Hillhouse Avenue, New Haven, 06511-6815, respectively.

*August 15, 2013

This morning St. Anne beckoned.  How or why I ended up on this post I’m not sure, but I found broken links that I just now replaced.  What’s more is that I found some really interesting tidbits in my online searches.

The man who began the charismatic movement at My Father’s House died in 2009, so the worship services stopped and the worship center closed.  Since the property had initially been blessed by Bishop Carmody, the family tried to donate it to the Corpus Christi diocese.  However, Bishop Mulvey declined the offer due to the diocese’s limited resources.  Instead, “the shrine of Nuestra Señora de San Juan de los Lagos [was] relocated… to a former mission,” Mary Mother of the Church, that is located at 1755 Frio Street (Corpus Christi Caller-Times, July 21, 2010).

June 16, 2014

As we come to a greater knowledge of God and of self, we will grasp the meaning and purpose of our spiritual journey to become ambassadors of Jesus, carrying His message of love to all peoples.

Free me, O God, of all that prevents me from being a messenger of your love. Let me be a pencil in Your hand giving expression to your compassion and mercy (Sr. Maria Tasto, OSB).

April 3, 2015

In an absolutely delicious bit of irony, Pontius Pilate, the Roman governor, places over the cross, the declaration, in the three major languages of the time, that Jesus is the King, effectively de-throning Caesar and becoming, despite himself, the first great evangelist (Fr. Robert Barron).

June 29, 2015

“Truly, matters in the world are in a bad state; but, if you and I begin in earnest to reform ourselves, a really good beginning will have been made” (St. Peter of Alcántara).

August 17, 2015

“Thanks to the charismatic movement, a multitude of Christians, men and women, young people and adults have rediscovered Pentecost as a living reality in their daily lives” (St. John Paul II).

July 26, 2016

Anne is the glorious tree from which bloomed a twig under divine influence.  She is the sublime heaven from whose heights the Star of the Sea neared its rising.  She is the blessed barren woman, happy mother among mothers, from whose pure womb came forth the shining temple of God, the sanctuary of the Holy [Spirit], the Mother of God! (St. Jerome).

January 15, 2017

“Every Christian is challenged, here and now, to be actively engaged in evangelization; indeed, anyone who has truly experienced God’s saving love does not need much time or lengthy training to go out and proclaim that love” (Pope Francis in Evangelii Gaudium; also Franciscan Media in Meeting God in the Upper Room).

Links of interest…  Angels: amazing facts (more) / guardian / magnificent servants of God / messengers of comfort & courage / stories / what Catholics believe…  Archangels: about / feast / handy facts / Michael, Gabriel, & Rafael (more) / ultimate guide / verses…  Bebop Catholicism & the charismatic renewal (about)…  Brownsville churches: Christ the King / Immaculate Conception Cathedral (ICC) / Sacred Heart (ICC mission) / St. Luke…  Christ the King…  Christianity is not for soloists…  Community: building strong / gift of witness / having the right intention / increasingly diverse / messy necessity of authenticity / shared parish / supporting singles / what, how, & why…  Corpus Christi diocese: Bishop Michael Mulvey / cathedral…  Cultivating community all year long…  Divine Mercy: video / website…  Lessons from a monastery: Building a Christian community…  St. Anne: about / novena / prayer / shrine…  Sts. Anne & Joaquim: courtship & marriage / grandparents of Jesus / July 26 / Mary’s parents…  Ten things Pope Francis wants you to know about evangelization…  Who are you…  the Word among us…

WP posts…  Angels all around…  Angels keeping watch…  Easter surprises…  Heart of hearts…  Heart’s desire…  Noon visit…  Our Lady’s church…  Prayer and praise…  Soulful…  Two angels

Marian devotions

Last week Steven surprised me with two prayer cards from the Lovely Ning that Sam had dropped off at the office so, of course, I emailed an exuberant thanks that evening.

Covenant day*

Ning emailed the following day to say that she and her friends had visited the Schoenstatt shrine in Rockport.

Just in case you’ve never been there, I do suggest that you and Steve go there.  It’s a miraculous place from what I’ve heard, and it’s true coz I got my miracle when I went there the first time with Sam.  They celebrate a covenant day every 18th of the month.

Recollections

I’ve known about the Virgin of Schoenstatt ever since mom first told me about the Sisters and the shrine.  I have no idea when or how she and my stepfather first learned about the place, but they often stopped to visit and bought prayer booklets for family and friends back home in the Rio Grande Valley.

Then, sometime in the mid-to-late 1980s, mom lit the fire under the other altar society ladies at Christ the King Church when she offered to drive the group to the shrine.  The ladies enjoyed themselves so much that they made the trek a regular outing.  To hear mom tell the story, the ladies couldn’t stop talking about the beautiful little shrine.  It was such a big deal that a photo of the Virgin of Schoenstatt continues to be displayed in the church foyer despite changes in the building over time.

Mom was very devoted to the Virgin of Schoenstatt, but I just couldn’t relate.  Although I carried the prayer booklet with me and read the literature daily for a long time, the devotion wasn’t for me.  Still, mom insisted that she’d take me to “the little church” one day even if I didn’t want to go!

Two promises, two visits

In the fall 1995, I’d been laid up in bed for six to eight weeks so, of course, mom promised that, as soon as I got better, she and my stepfather would take me to see the Virgin of Schoenstatt.  But why did I have to go when I hadn’t promised anything?

Never mind that I endured serious bouts of carsickness.  Mom got her wish anyway— not that she needed an excuse to visit the shrine— and she was quite pleased with herself for having fulfilled the promise.  Then, in the spring 2004, when I was having major cows with the second semester of research ’cause I was working at school way, way, way too much to have time to focus clearly on a semester project, one of my cohort buddies who also felt challenged beyond the breaking point promised the same thing.

“If we make it through Dr. Weber’s course this semester, I’m taking you to the Schoenstatt shrine in Rockport,” Becky insisted.

“But why do I have to go with you?” I asked.  “I didn’t make the promise.”

Yet, there we were— Becky, her daughter, and me with my carsickness— on our way to Rockport, and Becky didn’t even know where the shrine was!  Oh, my gosh.  The torture of it all.  But we found the place, finally, and that was that.

Familiar yet out of sight

Aside from the framed picture of the Virgin of Schoenstatt at mom’s church, I hadn’t seen one displayed elsewhere.  Then one morning after Mass at our old St. Joseph Church, I happened to notice the picture (shown below) hung on the back wall in the musicians’ nook.

Then, after our new church was dedicated I saw the picture propped up against a wall in the foyer, as if waiting to be hung, but it isn’t in the public eye anymore.  Maybe the devotion wasn’t popular to begin with?  Or at all?  Still, it’s not uncommon to showcase pictures and/or statues of saints that don’t have an active following within the parish.

       

Marian devotions

Looking back, I’ve sampled the Schoenstatt experience through mom, Becky, and now Ning and still have my prayer booklet, but I haven’t read through it in many years.  I think that each person’s devotion to Our Lady is as uniquely different as each person’s relationship with her.  For this reason, it’s only natural to embrace the devotions to the Blessed Mother as Our Lady of Guadalupe, Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal, Our Lady of Mount Carmel, and/or however one’s come to know her best.  For instance, my first recollections of Our Lady stem from when I was just a child of four or five.  Sitting next to mom at Our Lady of Guadalupe Church in Brownsville, I noticed the very beautiful lady up high for the very first time and started singing to her about a little red rooster.  Mom pinched me hard on the arm— “Ssssh!!!”— so I sat there quietly gazing at the lady in green until mom finished praying.

Of course, I was also taken with Mary in blue at the Catholic school across the street from Immaculate Conception Cathedral.  She was the first person I saw every morning (as I entered the building to walk to my first-grade classroom and then as I opened the side door to church for daily Mass), so blue comes to mind when I string my Franciscan Crowns with Mary’s miraculous medals, even though green is my favorite color.  So, it makes sense that my relationship with Our Lady was influenced not by words and deeds, but by place.  There’s something so very special about walking into Our Lady of Guadalupe Church and sensing a strong familial bond.  (Mom, dad, and I attended Mass there until he died.)  Similarly, I feel very much at home at Immaculate Conception.  Yet the cathedral— my “heart of hearts,” my favorite sacred space— is a far greater spiritual connection to the Blessed Mother: I became part of that church community on my own through my Catholic school experience, so I’m drawn there instinctively.

       

Evolving spirituality

Sorting through the stash of prayer cards, booklets, and more in my Christmas box yesterday, I realized something: over the years I’ve collected so many inspirational keepsakes that, unless I explore my treasure box from time to time, I forget what I have; but, even without them, my spirituality continues to evolve.

As I go through the day working, reading, praying, and keeping company with God, I may not require specific devotions but they can be powerful motivational tools— gentle nudges through faithful practice— that lead to proactive engagement, the way Ning’s thoughtful gift was a personal invitation to share the Schoenstatt experience with others.

Prayers

Sub tuum praesidium…  We fly to your protection, O holy Mother of God.  Do not despise our petitions in our necessities, but deliver us always from all dangers, O glorious and blessed Virgin.

           

Contact information…  Schoenstatt Sisters of Mary – 130 Front Street Rockport, TX 78382-7800: blog / calendar of events / contact / home page

*Covenant day countdown

General events…  Daily Masses at the Provincial House: Monday – Saturday, 6:45 A.M. & Sunday, 10 A.M

August 2, 2011

You can make a difference.  You can tell people about the love of God.  You can even help some of them to become fishers of men, spreading the net of Christianity even farther.  There are opportunities everywhere….  All you have to do is tell your story; the Holy Spirit will give you the right words (the Word among us, July/August 2011, p. 49).

July 3, 2013

Lord Jesus, I treasure the faith you have placed in my heart.  Though I don’t see you, still, I believe.  Help me to tell everyone around me that you are alive.  Use my words and my witness to speak to their hearts, just as you have spoken to mine (the Word among us, July/August 2013, p. 22).

July 30, 2013

Thank you, Lord, for loving me!  Help me to extend your love to everyone I meet.  Today, please send me to at least one person who needs you in their life (the Word among us, July/August 2013, p. 49).

September 13, 2013

Lord, I am amazed that you have called me to share your good news.  By your spirit, fill me with confidence and courage to be your ambassador (the Word among us, September 2013, p. 32).

November 30, 2015

“But the word is very near to you; it is in your mouth and in your heart for you to observe” (Dt. 30:14).

April 4, 2017

Speaking about God and bringing the message of God’s love and salvation in Jesus Christ to men is the duty of all the baptized.  And this duty involves not only speaking with words, but in all one’s actions and way of doing things.  Our whole being should speak of God, even in the ordinary things.  In this way witness is authentic, and thus shall it always be new and fresh in the power of the Holy Spirit (Pope Francis in The Spirit of Saint Francis).

Schoenstatt Chapel – Lamar, TX

       

Adoration Chapel – Our Lady of Perpetual Help Church – Corpus Christi, TX

Links of interest…  Apostolic movement…  Blessed Virgin Mary, untier of knots…  Catholic devotions: A spiritual vocabulary…  Fr. Joseph Kentenich: founder (about) / friend of the rosary…  Fifteen steps to better evangelization…  Five signs of a true devotion to Mary…  Marian devotions (five – hope) / finding true self…  Pope Francis: Evangelization is about knowing the human heart…  Schoenstatt shrine: archive / founder / golden jubilee / movement / novena (Spanish)…  Schoenstatt: San Antonio shrine / Sisters of Mary / website…  Simple ways to bring Mary into your life…  Sub tuum praesidium: ancient prayer to Mary in times of persecution / oldest known Marian prayer…  Ten ways to love Mother Mary…  Understanding what it means to be devout…  Why Mary always wears blue…  the Word among us…

WP posts…  Angels keeping watch…  Faces of Mary…  Faith and prayer…  Familiar yet new…  Heart of hearts…  Lady of sorrows…  Lourdes novenas…  Our Lady…  Our Lady’s Church…  Repeated prayers

Soulful

Up until the summer of my fifth year, my father was my teacher, caregiver, mentor, best friend, and protector.  His illness kept him homebound, so he babysat my six-month-old brother and me while mom worked to support our family.

Early trials

Dad died in July and things changed.  Mom didn’t want me wasting my time at home, but the public school in our neighborhood wouldn’t take me.  I was too young for first grade and there was no kindergarten.

Mom couldn’t take time from work, so she asked her youngest sister to talk to the nuns and enroll me in Catholic school.  I was accepted only because I was the tallest kid in class.  Never mind that I was just five and had no idea what was going on.  Never mind that I had to learn to be responsible for getting up and dressing on my own.  Never mind that I had to ride the city bus to town by myself, though I did have Crucito, the neighborhood baker’s son, to sit with on the ride home from school.

Still, I learned early on that fending for myself didn’t come with guarantees.   I lost part of my bus fare, one of two nickels, the day I had tuna for lunch.  Vomiting, with a terrible fever, I had to walk home twenty-five blocks.  Thank God for Crucito’s third grade wisdom and his big brother thoughtfulness.  He chose to accompany me instead of taking the bus that afternoon.

Soulful encounter

My first and only year at Immaculate Conception School left indelible imprints for sure, but the memory of all memories occurred within the first hour of my first day at school.  During our cursive writing lesson, I had a very personal encounter with the three souls adhered to the closet doors in the back of the classroom.

I raised my hand for the first time in my young life to politely ask a question. 

“Could you please tell me if I’m making the capital A correctly?”

Observing my first feat forming a large slanted oval with a little curved tail added to its right bottom side, the unsmiling nun led me by the hand to the poster with the totally blackened soul.

“Put out your hands,” she chided, and then whacked the knuckled sides hard with a little green ruler she’d pulled from her pocket. 

“Now, go back to your seat!”

Unexpected outcomes

I never asked another question in class, which is why I once had an accident during the big silence right before dismissal time.  For what seemed like an eternity I’d contemplated the pros and cons of asking permission to go to the bathroom, but I wasn’t sure how the nun would respond.  Then, just like that, I didn’t have to ask.  My body lost control and flooded the floor space all around me as my classmates watched the growing puddle in horror and disbelief.

I’ll never forget Crucito’s wide-eyed shock as I crossed the street to where he stood waiting for me after school.  He was a mix of what-happened-to-you, what-do-I-say, and she-must-feel-terrible as he checked me out from waist to hemline and then back again.

Crucito didn’t laugh, much less ask, about my dark wet, light dry teal uniform.  Instead, we walked in silence along the church sidewalk to the bus stop a block away.  Being a sensitive boy, Crucito understood my embarrassment.  And he never brought it up.  Ever.

Lasting impression

Almost a lifetime later when Segy was a high school freshman and we belonged to Sacred Heart Church in Brownsville, our celebrant at Sunday Mass was someone other than our parish priest.  “Man’s soul is an exquisite, multifaceted crystal,” the priest said, captivating us with his gentle knowing.  Segy and I wanted to hear more, but the visiting priest never returned.

If I knew where his church was, we could drive there for Sunday Mass, I thought.  But it never happened.  Sometime later we learned that the priest had died, but the news never kept me from wondering what else we could’ve learned from him.

Teresa of Avila

More than a decade since, I’ve discovered St. Teresa who similarly describes the soul as “a castle made entirely out of a diamond or of very clear crystal, in which there are many rooms, just as in heaven there are many dwelling places” (John 14:2; Avila, 1577; Washington Province of Discalced Carmelites, Inc., 1979, p. 6).

Reflecting on Teresa of Avila the last couple of months, I’ve wondered, Was the priest referring to St. Teresa’s book?  If so, how would my life have been impacted had I known about (and read) her book all those years ago?  On the other hand, how does one miss out on spiritual growth when one has no idea that anything’s missing?  Still, since reading St. Teresa’s book I feel embraced and fortified somehow; so maybe earlier awareness would’ve made a difference after all.

St. Teresa

Now a daily companion, St. Teresa’s staying power is her genuineness.  She appeals to my intellect, but she’s also that special friend and mentor I needed as a child.  She cares so deeply about my relationship with God that her writing nurtures my spirit.  St. Teresa understands how easily human nature refutes and refuses truth to avoid making personal changes, so she shares her knowledge and experience without exerting pressure.  She also personalizes her narratives with descriptive analogies and anecdotes that complement her finely woven tapestry.  St. Teresa is quite an amazing teacher.

The Interior Castle

In her book, St. Teresa refers to the “sublime dignity and beauty” (p. 7) of the soul, which is infinitely more valuable than the body but which is easily overlooked since it can’t be seen.

My analogy is this: We’re obsessed with looking good, so we buy expensive hair care products.  From shampoos and conditioners to coloring kits and more, we ignore the facts.  Hair consists of dead cells, while internal organs and the skin through which hair grows, are malnourished and taken for granted.  We accentuate the exterior and forget (disregard) what’s within.

St. Teresa also writes that one’s innermost soul is the place where God delights in spending time with us, his creations.  To be near him “the soul is advised to enter within itself…” (p. 9).

The Lord manifests himself to those who pause while in peace and humility of heart….  God, in order to be able to speak to the soul and fill it with the knowledge of his love, leads it to the solitude, detaching it from preoccupations of earthly things.  He speaks to the ears of those who are silent and makes them hear his secrets (St. Anthony of Padua).

Like the many facets of the diamond and the crystal, the interior castle has “many dwelling places: some up above, others down below, others to the sides; and in the center and middle is the main dwelling place where the very secret exchanges between God and the soul take place” (p. 7).  Yet The Interior Castle focuses on just seven dwelling places.  After all, St. Teresa’s purpose isn’t to overwhelm but to inform, clearly and concisely, so that we who choose to be enlightened can partake of the wonderful blessings God has in store for us.

Unintended consequences

Looking back on my first day at school I don’t know what I did to upset the nun; but that one year of Catholic school is forever etched into my pea brain as the bookmark in my book of life, since past personal experiences, though seemingly meaningless at the time, eventually have purpose (p. 98).

Unintended consequences are when you had the intention of providing one service or message, and users interpret and practice it in ways you didn’t think of.  The unintended consequences often have more significance than one might think (Claude Bernard).

Certainly, as a classroom teacher, I was keenly sensitive to my students’ needs.  But, beyond that, was the green ruler incident my personal introduction to the soul?

Soulful experience

While I do guilt well— Steven’s comical take on my being Catholic— I’m not altogether preoccupied with the three souls, just as I don’t give thought to ending up in heaven or hell.  Instead, I’m focused on personal growth and my evolving spirituality through my relationship with God who loves me unconditionally, the way dad loved me.  And it’s God’s love for me, not the fear of hell or the desire for heaven, that fuels my existence.

Moreover, as I journey through life I’m very much aware that, in as much as God waits patiently for us to show him even a little of the love he feels for us, his desire to have us close is so strong “that from time to time he calls us to draw near him” (pp. 15-16).  And, when he can no longer wait, God takes the entire soul, closing all doors except the one leading to him (p. 99) and places us wherever he wants, just as he brought Steven and me to the seashore, to help us make good on the promises we’ve made him (p. 130).

Then, Jesus, in turn, matches our good works so that even more is offered to God (p. 136) in thanksgiving and praise.

December 2, 2011

At mom’s funeral this morning, I learned from a mutual friend, Jerry, who still lives on Dan Street where I grew up, that “Crucito died about two and a half years ago.”  I was stunned!

More than a childhood friend, Crucito was my steadfast guardian, my big brother who took me to school dances.  Always sweet and joyful to see me the few times we bumped into each other as adults, Crucito loved me unconditionally.  I’ll treasure him until the end of time!

January 19, 2012

Who seeks for heaven alone to save his soul may keep the path but will not reach the goal.  While he who walks in love may wander far, yet God will bring him where the blessed are (Henry Van Dyke).

February 4, 2012

Jesus, I want to come away with you for a while.  Refresh me, renew me, and strengthen me.  Then send me out to build your kingdom (the Word among us, February 1-21, 2012, p. 24).

October 28, 2012

The human heart is made this way.  God himself does not enter it by force but knocks at the door: “Open your heart to me, my child” (St. Eugene de Mazenod in a letter to Fr. Boisrame, September 1858).

December 3, 2012

“I love you not because you have the power to give heaven or hell, but simply because you are— my king and my God” (St. Francis Xavier).

August 20, 2013

Lord, show me who I really am!  Fill me with confidence, courage, and the zeal to serve you with all my heart! (the Word among us, July/August 2013, p. 70).

October 22, 2013

“Lord Jesus, I want to be ready to welcome you however you choose to knock on my door today” (the Word among us, October 2013, p. 42).

October 31, 2013

“O God, I put myself into your hands with infinite confidence because you are my Father” (Bl. Charles de Foucauld).

November 12, 2013

Lord, thank you for filling me with your love!  Lord, I want to serve you with my whole life! (the Word among us, November 2013, p. 33).

November 29, 2013

The Jewish view of God is not static or frozen in any time or place.  It is constantly growing, changing, expanding.  For even though God is constant, people are forever growing and developing.  So each person, in each generation, must discover, understand, describe, and relate to God in his or her own way, out of his or her own life experiences (Wayne Dosick in Living Judaism, 1995, p. 9).

May 1, 2014

“In the evening of our lives we shall be judged on love” (St. John of the Cross).

June 28, 2014

In everything we do God considers our disposition rather than our actions.  And so, whether we retire mentally to God in earnest contemplation and remain at rest or whether we are intent on being of service to those around us with good works and worthy undertakings, let our object be that we are motivated only by love of Christ.  So the really acceptable offering of purification of the spirit is that which is rendered not in a man-made temple, but in the temple of the heart where Christ the Lord is pleased to enter (St. Laurence Justinian).

August 13, 2014

“When you really give yourself to God, no difficulty will be able to shake your optimism” (St. Josemaría Escrivá).

August 19, 2014

He belongs to you; but more than that he longs to be in you, living and ruling in you as the head lives and rules in the body.  He wants his breath to be in your breath, his heart in your heart, and his soul in your soul (St. John Eudes).

October 17, 2014

“My desire is to belong to God” (St. Ignatius of Antioch).

November 7, 2014

Believe that he loves you.  He wants to help you himself in the struggles which you must undergo.  Believe in his love, his exceeding love (Bl. Elizabeth of the Trinity).

November 11, 2014

God leaves us free, but when we do respond to grace and we do choose to use the gifts he has given us to work for his honor and glory, he blesses our efforts and makes them fruitful.  In the light of grace the work is transformed (Aquinas College, Nov 14, 2014).

February 1, 2015

“Cast yourself into the arms of God and be very sure that if he wants anything of you, he will fit you for the work and give you strength” (St. Philip Neri).

February 16, 2015

Perfection of life is the perfection of love.  For love is the life of the soul (St. Francis de Sales).

March 2, 2015

“The soul who is in love with God is a gentle, humble, and patient soul” (St. John of the Cross).

April 3, 2015

“The body dies when the soul departs, but the soul dies when God departs” (St. Augustine of Hippo).

May 20, 2015

Do not let your hearts be troubled.  You believe in God; believe also in me.  My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.  You know the way to the place where I am going (Jn. 14: 1-4).

December 3, 2015

“I love you not because you have the power to give heaven or hell, but simply because you are— my king and my God” (St. Francis Xavier, SJ).

March 21, 2016

Then [Benedict] adds: “All that we once performed with dread we will now begin to observe without effort, as though naturally, no longer out of fear of hell, but rather out of love for Christ, good habit and delight in virtue” (Rule of St. Benedict 7:67 – Humility).

We will never be perfect.  Humility is the realization that we are not perfect.  Can we be content with imperfection while knowing that we are doing the best we can to live a holy and loving life?  I pray we can! (Monday Message, Sr. Kristine Anne Harpenau, OSB, March 21, 2016).

September 1, 2016

“Our perfection does not consist of doing extraordinary things but [of doing] the ordinary well” (St. Gabriel of Our Lady of Sorrows).

January 4, 2017

“The grace of even wishing to belong to God must come from himself” (St. Elizabeth Ann Seaton).

May 10, 2017

“Christians who sigh only for heaven… quite often look here below not because they seek the land, but in order to find the way to heaven” (St Francis de Sales in The Sign of the Cross).

June 20, 2017

The process of the purification of our souls is never finished, and will end only with our death.  We must not be upset by our imperfections; instead, we must recognize them and learn to combat them.  And it is in fighting against our imperfections without being discouraged by them that our very perfection consists (St. Francis de Sales).

June 22, 2017

Even if you have never felt loved or struggled to love, being loved is an ever-present reality and a never-to-be broken promise that flows directly from the heart of God.

You are loved, and as Saint Augustine said, “God loves each one of us as if there were only one of us to love.”  Think about that!  You are loved exclusively and completely by God.  You don’t have to compete for or earn God’s love or be anybody different from who you are, because God is in love with you (Anne Costa in Healing Promises: The Essential Guide to the Sacred Heart).

September 4, 2017

God is truly humble.  He comes down and uses instruments as weak and imperfect as we are.  He deigns to work through us… to use you and me for his great work (St. Mother Teresa of Calcutta in The Love that Made Mother Teresa).

October 5, 2017

“Love the children first, and then teach them” (St. Mother Theodore Guerin).

May 7, 2018

An understanding heart is everything in a teacher and cannot be esteemed highly enough.  One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feeling (Carl Gustav Jung).

October 26, 2020

“God enters by a private door into every individual” (Ralph Waldo Emerson).

October 28, 2020

“Every moment and every event of every man’s life on earth plants something in his soul” (Thomas Merton).

Links of interest…  Crucito’s obituary (found 7.1.21, along with his brother’s)…  Chaplin’s little tramp on the road to Emmaus…  Christ inescapable…  Dostoevsky & the glory of guilt…  Flicking bubbles & wrangling babies…  God desires your love…  Growing in Christ: The performance principle (Rohr)…  Henry van Dyke: brainy quote / goodreads…  Hope for eternal joy…  I can’t get the institutional church out of my system…  I had forgotten about St. Thérèse, but she hadn’t forgotten me…  Immaculate Conception Cathedral: about / facebook / historic site / website…  Interior castle: e-book…  Jewish ideas of God…  Lord, when you came to the seashore: composer (more; Cesário Gabaráin, 1979) / lyrics / Pescador de hombres…  Predictor of a successful life…  Rabbi Wayne Dosick, PhD: books / Jewish Lights / Living Judaism…  Sacred Heart Church: facebook…  Teresa of Ávila: profile / reformer / teacher of prayer for today (on prayer)…  When saints choose us…  the Word among us…

WP posts…  Angels keeping watch…  Bearing one’s crosses…  Dear God…  Father now retired…  Gifts…  Heart of hearts…  In good time…  Perfect prayer…  Seven dwelling places…  Teresa of Avila…  Two takes

Connected tangents

Wishful surprises.  That’s what I received in Wednesday afternoon’s mail this week.  I’m reminded of the opening scene from It’s a Wonderful Life during which lots of prayers are being offered up to God on behalf of one man before Clarence, a simple though caring angel, appears to George Bailey in the nick of time.  God does listen after all, doesn’t he?

Treasures

Sister’s parcel was a breath of fresh air: invigorating; full of promise; filled with prayers of love and support; received in the nick of time, just as I’d lost hope a couple of days before.

I was immediately overcome with emotion even though Sister had emailed almost three weeks earlier that a parcel would be arriving through Maria in Seattle.  My heart was pounding; my gratefulness, over the moon. 

God still believes, even when I give up.  He knows my saturation point; so he distracts me, amuses me, consoles me, and shares other kinds of information through well-placed messengers along my path in life.   God eases my burden with his lovely treasures, that I may have light through the darkness.  “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path” (Prov. 119:105).

Dashed hopes

Thanks to a text message received Monday afternoon, our hopes for a long-awaited visit from the grandkids once again evaporated.  My heart hardened as I told Steven that I was throwing in the towel. 

Not having a mountain from which I could go scream to let out my frustration and disappointment, I had a heart-to-heart with God.  “I succumb to your will.  Give me the family you want me to have, not the family I pine for.” 

Having resolved to wait patiently for God’s response, I felt at peace and immersed myself in cleaning house.  I also looked forward to Tuesday evening, since our dear friend Sam had invited us to Father Frank’s talk on prayer at St. Paul’s.

Special visit

Although we hadn’t been to St. Paul’s in about two years, our quiet drive there felt like the many trips we’d made for Mass, meetings, and so much more as parishioners.  On arriving, we walked to the adoration chapel, entered, then exited, taking a chance on the church being open early for that evening’s vigil Mass.  We peeked through the windows and saw movement within.  “Oh, my gosh!” I enthused smilingly.  Stepping into the foyer, I was enveloped by the heartwarming memories of times past.  I looked around wordlessly with reverent excitement. 

“Are you going to visit with the Infant?” Steven asked, bringing me back to the present.  I’d been so glad to be there that I’d momentarily forgotten all about him. 

       

       

Thanks to Sam’s invitation, the Infant had beckoned me home for a visit.  Moreover, brief as our time in church may have been that evening, the Infant tenderly energized my spirit the way he did our first time there early in 2006.  What a joyful reunion we had!  Nevertheless, we left church somewhat disappointed at not having seen our friends, Junebug and Gary, at the meeting that evening.

Serendipity

On our way home, we stopped for groceries at HEB, which is down the road from church.  Surprisingly, we spent more time there than anticipated because we couldn’t find the sesame seeds; so Steven and I split up to look elsewhere.

Having checked in this and that aisle, I finally asked one of the store clerks who happened to walk by.  As I turned to go look for Steven, he was already walking back toward me; and who should we bump into at that moment?  None other than Junebug and Gary!  Our trip to Flour Bluff that evening was complete! 

We spent time with the remainder of the gang, our extended Why Catholic? family, for the first time since Valentine’s Day 2009 and reveled in each other’s company as if we’d last been together just the day before.  I smiled all the way home.

Memories

Except for the one lamp that Steven had left on in the living room, the house was mostly dark when we returned.  I was reminded of the not yet fully lit church we’d entered earlier as well as the cathedral back home. 

I’d visit Immaculate Conception at odd hours during the day when the only light source was that of the sun filtered through the stained-glass windows.  Quiet and awe-inspiring, the cathedral always embraced me with its scent of times long past mingled with the present.  I felt very much at peace there, which is why lifelong memories of that sacred space come alive each time I enter a dimly lit church, although the feeling is also replicated toward the end of the year when the rooms in the house begin to darken earlier than usual in the evening. 

Autumn, my most favorite time of the year. Such wonderful recollections!  I thoroughly enjoy the coziness of a candlelit room during the harvest season.

Wishful thoughts

Sunday before Thanksgiving, I was working on a sewing project at the dining table when I happened to focus on the orange-cupped wrought-iron candle holder on the chest of drawers.  Steven bought it for me at the Fredericksburg Christmas Store in 2007, but we’ve never used it.  “I’d like some really nice candles for this,” I said, hoping for a worthwhile dialogue.

“You know there are plenty of tea lights on the pantry shelf.”

“Yes, we have lots of those, but I want special candles.  Some that will match the big yellow candle that Ricky, one of my fifth graders, gave me for Christmas 2005.”  And that was that.  The topic was dropped.

Burst of sunshine

Thanksgiving Day, Sister emailed from Australia.

Re: Parcel
Thursday, November 25, 2010 5:27 AM

Dearest Deli and Steve,

Praised be the Holy Child Jesus!

I do hope you and your family are well.

Today is the 25th, a special day of the Incarnation.  I prayed for you and all your intentions in a special way and am continuously asking Little Margaret to help you.

Also, our friend Maria (who lives in Seattle) will be posting a small parcel, which she carried for me.  [It contains six] Holy Child Jesus beeswax candles, which I made, and a chaplet for you.

Thank you, and may the Holy Child Jesus bless you with his peace in abundance.

With lots of love and prayers,
Gratefully in the Holy Child Jesus….

 Oh, happy day!

Re: Parcel…
Wednesday, December 8, 2010 2:43 PM

Dearest, dearest Sister,

It’s 55 degrees, and the wind’s somewhat blustery; but the sun’s out, and it’s a gorgeous day….

We attended eight o’clock Mass this morning to celebrate the Blessed Mother’s special day, and I’ve been editing photos and more for our church blog ever since Steven dropped me off afterwards.

And… because I saw the mail carrier at the mailboxes across the street a while ago… I just got back from walking over to see what’d come in the mail… wondering if maybe we’d received another Christmas card for Steven’s reindeer.

And… surprise, surprise, surprise!!!  Your parcel arrived.  OMG!!!!

It’s here on my desktop… waiting, waiting, waiting.  But I’m sooo excited that the only thing I could think of to do was email you right away to thank you.

Thanks sooo much!

And I’ve taken some pix from our front porch, so you can share in the day… since you’re here keeping me company as I work.

Again, thank you so very much!!!

Love & hugsss….

Delightful surprises

On finally opening the box, I couldn’t believe my eyes!  Even though Sister had emailed almost three weeks earlier to let me know about her parcel’s contents, I was filled with immense gratitude and awe.  The box was brimming over with messages of love and heartfelt support as I pulled out each delightful surprise and savored it thoroughly, tearfully.

Sister’s thoughtfulness included laminated prayer cards and information on Venerable Margaret; both a chaplet and its small pouch for our daughter; and, best of all, her message of prayerful blessings and hope.

We are praying for you….

A lamp is lit daily, and I continuously ask Little Margaret to help you and to intercede for your intentions.

Wishing you and your family a holy Advent and a happy Christmas!

God bless you with lots of love and prayers….

Connected tangents

Again and again, we’re reminded— as I was this past week— that everything is relative no matter how disconnected our thoughts, our prayers, and our heartfelt wishes may seem.  Despite the obstacles we face, God is always listening.  But he’s always trying to help us listen to  messages, too.  God is so brilliant that he employs creative measures to let us know how much he cares, especially when we need his consolation and his tenderness.  God is the constant beacon in one’s stormy life.  He alone gives meaning to one’s existence.

Affirmation

My dear friend, Rose, said it perfectly in her email today.

Received a Christmas card from Sister for my whole family.  Made my day because she sent me [a message] in her own handwriting wishing me love and prayers. 

Deli, this is God’s way of telling me he is in charge, and I just need to love and praise him.

Links of interest…  Flower of Carmel (Goonellabah): home page…

WP posts…  Forever grateful…  One prayer…  Sweet Jesus…  Venerable Margaret